Here I am again...

Feeling like no one is around to help me and hear me. I am screaming inside and the pain is way to much to keep in.

What can I do... Who do I talk to.. Who do I open to...I can't go down that road...

I am so confused...

Where do I go from here... I am so lost and unhappy.

I have always been dealt bad cards in my life. I have always been very unhappy and my heart has suffered for it. I am so lonely even with people around me. No one see my hurt because I chose to hide from everyone. I have lied to myself for so long that I believe the lies. I cry myself to sleep and dream of a better life for everyone. I can't blame anyone except myself for this rut. You make your own choice in lives and have to live with the consequences.

I am in such a bad place that is scares me. Looking into the tunnel for that light just shows me darkness,

My start

Dear friend

What has been happening to me lately. Well, I feel like crap . I am trying to turn the page on so many things but it comes back to haunt you. I am so very unhappy, unhealthy and unloved. My mother told me once, that she had never seen me happy. At the time, I got very upset at her but now, I am mad because she was so right.

My dream of becoming a MOM happened. The aspect of my life totally suck. I am fed up of the shouting, the fighting and the un-love in this house. I feel like I should leave but I am not strong enough for that. I want my children to have a father in their lives and I mean in the same house-lives. So I carry on with a fake facade and weep inside.

I have created this place for refuge. To come and pour out my feelings. And by doing so, I hope to see and understand the path I need to go. I am looking for guidance and answers and I know that the only was to do this, is on my own.

I will be back